I used to live with negative people. Extremely negative people.
Not once. A few times, actually. I have moved places four times already, and that’s without counting a move from my home country, and I’m only 30 years old.
What can I say?
I am incapable of staying in one place for too long, especially a place that brings me down and doesn’t inspire me or motivate me.
The same rules apply to people.
What I am starting to figure out from my lifetime of running away from the negativity of others is this:
Often, the people that are the closest to you, are the ones that bring you down the most. You have this emotional connection established with them, therefore their opinion has a significant influence on you.
Whether it’s your parents, your friends, co-workers or any colleagues you see regularly. They may talk to you expressing various comments and beliefs, and there are probably times when it’s done in a negative way, right?
The more you listen to them, the more familiar you become with their views, the more likely you are to start believing them, and even subconsciously aligning with them.
There often comes a time in your life when you decide to improve something about yourself. So, you start looking for ways to make your life better, more vibrant, more active. Whatever the change is you want to make – whether it’s to lose weight, change your hairstyle, improve your sex life, start eating healthily, change your job, ask for a rise, start running, or practising yoga. It’s thanks to inspiration, that often comes to you as a result of a crisis; as a result of choice or by chance. Once you feel inspired, you then need strong motivation to continue with the process of improvement. You know that by being consistent and regular will reach your goal.
But the only problem is it’s hard to stay excited and focused. It’s really fucking hard. And it’s just the beginning.
But deep down, you know it will become easier with time. It’s just that beginnings are always the most challenging. By getting through your beginning, and keeping your routine consistent, you will get there. You just need to keep repeating the positive actions that help you stay on your chosen path. Stick to your plan, try not to get distracted, stay balanced, listen to your body and your heart, keep practising and ensure consistency. Because these actions will guarantee strong results.
A lot to commit to, right?
While it’s not impossible to be able to do all of these things on your own, it’s certainly hard. Especially, if you are being bombarded with other people’s opinions and judgements.
I bet you will lose weight and gain it back again.
Just accept what you look like, because you can’t change that.
This hair colour won’t suit you.
Your hair will fall out.
You will never have an orgasm.
If you stop eating meat you will die from vitamin deficiency.
You won’t get that job, you’re not skilled enough.
You can never be independent.
I wouldn’t get your hopes high about a pay rise. No one who works here got one in years.
You can’t afford this.
What’s the point of starting? You are not going to succeed anyway.
Do any of the above sound familiar?
Just by listening to the flood of negativity for a period of time, you are exposed to a risk of subconscious acceptance of a limiting belief; unconsciously imposed on you by those people.
As a result of sharing your dream, a desire or a goal with them, you may often receive judgement or belittling in response. And many times, this will successfully knock your confidence, your motivation and even the initial inspiration that took you so long to find.
Fuck, what a waste of time.
What you believed to be a genius, life-improving idea that emerged from your creative mind, has now been ridiculed by this negative person that claims to care about you.
The goal that got you so excited now seems completely unachievable, and pointless.
I used to be influenced too. I listened to all this bullshit that other people had to say about my life goals and desires. And I believed it blindly for so long without question. I lost count of how many times I gave up on something, all because I accepted somebody else’s limiting belief.
That someone also happened to be my family. The people closest to me were poisoning my life, instead of helping and supporting me in going after my dreams; my future plans; the life I imagined and desired.
And there came a day when I woke up.
I realised I was surrounded by people that didn’t support me. Even worse, they consciously didn’t want me to be happy for some reason. And that reason I will never understand because I never was, I am not, and never will be like them.
Where the fuck do these pessimistic people come from?
Where do their views originate from?
It’s not untrue to say that most people see life in the way they experienced it in the past. So, their opinions often depend on their life’s encounters so far. If someone experienced a limiting, disappointing or painful event in the past, they are likely to see their present and future through a similar lens. And you and your life is no exception.
They will boldly predict how your life will play out, based on their limiting belief which they have accepted as their truth. And they truly believe this will be your story, too.
Because why would your case be any different?
Why do you deserve to be happier than they are?
Part of me wants to defend them and explain their behaviour by believing that they simply didn’t know any better. That they hurt you unintentionally. But the other part of me isn’t convinced by this theory at all.
I myself, grew up in a home with controlling parents who never trusted me, always checked on me, and didn’t believe in me. And I’m still trying to figure them out. I also experienced bullying from my school peers. Later in my life, I happened to be around other groups of people with a whole list of limiting beliefs that took me a few years to fully understand.
But although I have spent a great deal of time with those people, and soaked up excessive amounts of negativity from them, their limiting beliefs still didn’t stop me from making positive changes in my life.
Thankfully, I was somehow able to learn that I can’t be around those people for too long. That I need to distance myself as soon as I can.
So I did. And here I am. Writing to you. From my two-bedroom quirky apartment, which I share with my wonderful life partner, in the beautiful suburbs of the UK.
Recently, I learned to meditate, I found love for yoga, and I realised I am capable of becoming a successful writer who inspires others; especially women.
A couple years ago I became vegetarian, and shortly after went vegan. My only regret is that I didn’t make this mind-blowing lifestyle change earlier in my life.
I have seen many beautiful places where I have experienced some of the best and most joyful moments of my life.
I got my first proper job less than five months after I finished university, earning more than expected for a graduate. And I went to university in the UK and completed my bachelor’s degree in Journalism. Given the fact English isn’t my first language, I count this as one of my biggest life achievements.
I also got to fulfil my dream to work in the fashion industry.
I lost the excess weight I never felt good about. After years and years spent being overweight and feeling ugly, I realised it was simply due to a lack of exercise and a bad diet.
I finally found the courage to dye my hair blond, from the natural dark brown I have been wearing for 19 years of my life. And I can report that my hair didn’t fall out. It is doing pretty well, actually.
I was able to do all of these things because I let go of people that didn’t serve me. And this includes my parents, my close family, and people I met and thought would become my friends, but actually turned out to be total assholes.
It’s time to let go. It might be tough or even un-imaginable for you to limit or even end contact with them. Because you have known these people for so long. You have common experiences. And shared memories. When remembering good moments you had with them, you might even convince yourself they weren’t too bad in the end.
If you are having these doubts and are unsure whether this person is worth your time, I encourage you to ask yourself a simple question:
Does contact with this person add any value to my life?
Because if they don’t, it’s time to let go. It’s time for you to leave. Spread your wings. Change your life for the better. Don’t be afraid to walk away from negative people who only bring you down.
Do what you feel you need to do. Do the things that make you feel empowered, fulfilled, motivated and inspired.
Whether you want to improve your health, learn a new skill, develop a good habit, or anything else that will improve your life long term, the time for a change is now.
Not tomorrow, not in a month’s time, not in a year’s time. It’s now.
Give yourself a chance to live a wonderful, abundant life. The life where you are surrounded with people that support you, love you and inspire you to be the best version of yourself you can be.