I’m 25; it feels weird to say it. I certainly don’t feel it. People make such a big deal about age, especially the milestones. They build it up to the point where you expect some dramatic change. For some reason, the Winx transformation comes to mind, and I guess that sentence reveals more about me than maybe my writing ever could.
I thought wisdom would come at 18, and at 21, perspective and 25; well, everything would have fallen into place by then. And yet here I am, newly 25, and life seems more uncertain than ever. It’s easy to blame the uncertainties on the world itself; some of it can be attributed to that, but what about the uncertainties within ourselves? I wonder if that has a more significant role than what we believe or know.
I sometimes imagine that I’m facing that little girl who dreamt of so much for her future, and one of my biggest fears is that I’ve disappointed her, that I’ve let her down. It’s me being too hard on myself; I know that. Because plans change, dreams change, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The things we are so sure of when we’re younger become uncertain and often dissolve. As children, we are so molded by what we see and hear and the people around us that our dreams sometimes are harder to realize. I guess wisdom does come with age because the more we grow, the more everything else falls away. We are left facing ourselves, having to ask ourselves the hard questions about what we want and not be afraid if the answer has changed.
My answer has changed a few times in a way that would scare me, that would scare the younger me. But at my age, it’s my job to kneel down and tell that little girl that her dreams might look different, but she will be okay. There isn’t anything wrong with feeling lost, confused, or uncertain at any age. It is often when we are stuck that things become clearer to us.
So at 25, though I feel 16, I plan to take every part of my life in my stride even when it feels like I’m just standing still because a part of me realizes that I’m allowing myself to be open to change and to appreciate just how far I’ve come. Part of me also realizes that I’m the woman that little girl has wanted so much to meet and, most importantly, be. I hope that no matter where I am, she’ll just be proud that we got there.