This is how to be happy being a single woman.
Remember that we are all born into this world alone, and we shall all pass from this world, alone. That might sound a little sombre, but it’s also fucking liberating too. Because it means you are sovereign, and you are whole. We are all meant to connect with others, and be a smaller piece of a wider community; but make no mistake, everything you need and long for can already be found between your bones.
It’s easy to feel lonely, when confronted by smiling, happy couples. When everyone around you pairs off, starts a new family, and seems to be moving forward. But remember, many things are not always as they seem, and there are countless ways to move forward in this life. Some of them may feel like you’re going sideways, or even backwards, and that’s okay. Because sometimes, we must first go backwards to go forwards.
And when the ones in love; the ones in relationships, marriages and partnerships—who seem to have been granted their very own happily ever after—make your heart long for your own fairytale; please remember that it’s not coming. Because fairytales are what children’s books and romantic movies are made of, but they are not real. Nobody has that life, even when it looks like they do. So don’t live your life in pursuit of an illusion, created to distract and lure you into a life that perhaps was never meant to be yours.
Don’t wait around for somebody else to make you happy; for somebody else to make your dreams come true. And don’t be waiting for somebody to come and rescue you from your single woman status. Because there is no shame in being independent, untamed, and free. And because you’re not a damsel in distress, and a prince is not what you truly seek. What you seek is something you’ve long since forgotten, something that has been shaken out of you; the remembrance that you are a Queen.
And what does a Queen do?
She stands with fierce grace, rooted in her power. She makes herself her priority, always nourishing her well. And she enjoys the freedom of this season, knowing someday it may be gone forever. She loves fully, both herself and those around her. She devotes herself to whatever sets her soul on fire, and makes her come alive in this world. And she understands that she is not here just to experience romantic love, or motherhood, but to experience herself. To grow with and into her body, to embrace her sacred sexuality, and to journey deep into the wilderness of her divine feminine essence.
She is the feminine and the masculine. She is light and she is dark. And she is fulfilled, but always creating space for the new. She is comfortable in her own skin, and with her own company. She is always open to welcome someone in, but she is wise with who she allows to go all the way.
And she is happy being a single woman. For this is who she has always been. She was born a single woman, and she will die a single woman. What happens in between is merely a string of choices; a red thread she chose to weave. But nothing along that path offers wholeness, completion, or validation. You were born with those, and you will leave with those; these gifts are already yours.
So the next time you’re struggling to find joy or peace as a single woman, remember this. Reclaim your wholeness, recognise your completion, and give yourself the validation you’ve been desperately seeking out there; in the arms of a stranger.
This is the true path to love, to peace, and to freedom.
Praise for Bloom by Shani Jay
“I read Bloom in one night. I started feeling hopeless and pushed down. Shani picked me up, dusted me off, and guided me to self-love in a few short hours with only print. Truly inspiring” – Rebecca Barnoff