It wasn’t until a few years ago that I realised I had a toxic relationship with money.
I grew up seeing my parents have many heated arguments, and nine times out of ten, they were arguing about money.
We definitely weren’t poor. In fact, me and my brothers enjoyed a pretty comfortable life, where most of our wants were met. All the basics like food, clothes, and healthcare were taken care of. And there was still enough for things like play-stations, holidays, and even cars.
Yet throughout my childhood and teens, I’d hear the same things being spoken again and again on a loop.
There’s no money.
Money doesn’t go on trees.
We’ll end up going bankrupt and you’ll all be on the streets.
That’s too expensive.
Why did you spend so much?
Simultaneously, I saw my dad carelessly spend money without giving it any thought.
And that’s how I learned about money.
I learned it caused problems. I learned that it was really hard to make. That finances were something the man in the house deals with instead of the woman. And I learned not to respect or love money.
When I got my first part time job at 16, I began spending every penny I earned on junk. Clothes, make-up, and CDs. At uni, I felt uncomfortable lending money to friends, out of fear that money wouldn’t find its way back to me. When I started working full time, earning more money than I ever had, once again I would carelessly fritter it away; mostly on clothes I didn’t need and alcohol.
The funny thing was, although I didn’t love money, it has always loved me. It has always taken care of me. I have always had enough.
I wonder what you learned about money growing up?
Maybe that it’s the root of all evil. Maybe that it’s something only greedy people love. Or maybe you learned that it doesn’t flow easily to you.
Take some time to think about it. What’s your money story? And is it supporting you, or is it holding you back and weighing you down?
So many of our beliefs and thought patterns are formed in childhood, and informed by the people we spend the most time with. For most of us, that’s our parents. And if our parents don’t love or trust money, then there’s a really high chance you also learned not to.
But I wasn’t even aware of my rocky relationship with money until a few years ago, so how could I possibly begin to heal it?
I didn’t see money as this living, breathing life force that we are all in relationship to. I saw it as an object. But it’s not.
Those coins and notes that we can feel and hold are just the physical shape that money currently exists in here. The same way that our bodies are just the physical vehicle we have in this world for our soul.
And I now realise that the beliefs I had around money were not my own. I wasn’t born into this world hating or distrusting money. I learned that. So I chose to cut those familial chords, and form my own beliefs. Beliefs that are empowering and supportive and feel really good.
We are energy, and so is money. Money does not belong to us, we are simply vessels for that money, and we’re working on behalf of the Universe.
Learning this, and getting my head around it, transformed my life.
If we don’t love money, then money will struggle to love us.
If we don’t trust and appreciate money, then money can’t flow to us.
And if we don’t understand that money is not ours, then we won’t be able to create a healthy relationship with it.
I am slowly learning to love and trust money.
I celebrate when it flows to me. Every penny or pound that finds its way into my purse or bank account. Even if I don’t have as much as I’d like right now.
I appreciate and practice gratitude for what I already have. Everything I’m able to afford. The lovely apartment I live in, the food I eat, and the clothes I’m wearing. This laptop I’m typing on, the organic lemon green tea I’m sipping on, and all the books I’ve bought and read on the shelf behind me.
And I choose to circulate money in more positive, loving ways that align with my new beliefs. I buy local when I can. And I opt for ethical and sustainable products, that have been made in ways that care for people and our planet.
I speak about money with more thought and consideration to what I’m actually saying. Instead of “that’s too expensive,” I’ll say, “that’s out of my budget right now, but how can I make more money so I can get there?”
Remember, learning to love money doesn’t mean you worship it above all else. It means you’re grateful. Appreciative. Respectful. And kind to it. You circulate it to support you, and make your life easier and more vibrant, while also helping make other people’s lives better in the process.
This is why money is here. It’s here to support you, to support all of us. To make our lives even better. To help us carry out our soul work here on Earth.
Learning to love money won’t just change your relationship with money, it will change your entire life.