Today I Will Be Myself, And That Is Enough

The most beautiful, intelligent, workaholic, ironic, helpful wife, loving woman.

To be “the most” is frustrating.

They have made me feel like that all my life.

I have sailed in a competitive environment with sympathy and a bit of self-irony, my only winning cards.

I have always stayed afloat.

But how difficult is it?

It’s a transparent force that digs deep inside us, drains us dry.

I’ve had partners in the past who made me feel the burden of not being enough.

And I believed their words.

I’ve had friends in the past who made me feel inadequate.

And I believed their words.

I’ve had bosses in the past who believed that I could not support that role because one day I could have given birth to a child.

And therefore, it was better for me to stay behind the scenes.

And I believed their words.

I looked in the mirror and the reflection was full of all the details that others were trying to glue on me.

Days went by without realizing that I was devoting all my energy to making others happy, exactly those people who were making me suffer.

But one day, that day, no.

I still remember it. I was walking barefoot on the grass.

It was almost sunset, I was wearing an elegant, cream-coloured dress.

I was perfumed; one of those fresh scents reminiscent of spring, roses, the garden.

I realized I still had lipstick on my lips. I touched it with my fingertips.

First a light touch, then faster and faster.

I wanted to take off my dress. It wasn’t made for me.

I ran away, got in the car and disappeared.

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While I was driving I smiled.

With that smile, the one that without thinking about it comes out when you realize.

I am not one of them. What they say won’t hurt me anymore.

I will no longer feel embarrassed, I will be myself.

In work, in love, in life in general we are asked to be much more than what we are.

It makes us more vulnerable.

How beautiful it would be to welcome ourselves entirely as we are in our nature.

To appreciate ourselves, to compliment ourselves, to be enough ourselves.

And then, only then, to open ourselves up to the world.

Proud of who we are.

Ready to love. Again.

Ready to live.