It’s Time For Me To Say Goodbye, Dad

Dear Jason,

I can’t remember the last time I called you that, in fact I can’t remember the last time we called. It’s for the best though. When we talk things become skewed and I don’t want that anymore.

I did however want to tell you that I forgive you, even though you put me through so much. So much pain and agony has come from me trying to get you back and even though you don’t forgive me, I have enough to forgive you and I both.

Even though our future is unsure, I’m sure that I can’t hold onto this anger and sense of revenge any longer. It shouldn’t have been this hard to have you in my life. You should have wanted me; I mean you made me who I am today. In the end though I suppose it doesn’t matter, there’s no repairing what’s happened.

All I know for certain is that I need to forgive you so I can move on; so I can gain closure that you were never able to offer me. Deep down I’m sure I’ll always miss the idea of you, but that’s all you ever were in the end; an idea, a sentimental thought, someone I could have looked up to.

Now, I look up to the women in my life, I look up to who I will become and how your actions will never have anymore power over me and who I’m becoming. I’m going to be stronger without you, I’ll need to be. I’ll try twice as hard to reach my goals so no one ever doubts me again. I will work through my issues and never let them hold me down. Problems aren’t meant to restrict you, they are meant to help you flourish and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

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So I thank you for leaving, for making more room in my heart for others who deserve it more. I’ll always love you for who you were, but sadly this is the end of the road for us.

So one last time I’ll say goodbye to the first man I ever loved. I wish you the best, I truly do.

Goodbye, Dad.