Sometimes, old scars can easily rob us of our happiness.
This stops a bond from actually taking off, leaves ones life on airplane mode, or we end up feeling deflated and weak.
While trying to reach great destinations, this can sometimes be an obstacle, especially when you can still perceive and feel your pains; and that’s okay. Depending on your situation, healing is a process, it doesn’t happen overnight, neither is it a straight, quick or easy task.
Truth is, every woman is capable of having a loving and comfortable relationship; where they appear completely see-through, conversations free and laid back, pretences throw out the window, masks taken off, imperfections and vulnerabilities on full show.
Yes, it is beautiful, but not easy; because this type of relationship requires openness, trueness and vulnerability. The wall needs to be broken down and the double layered armour needs to soften up.
You might have just come out of an abusive or controlling relationship; or maybe you were cheated on, by someone that you were completely faithful and true to; or maybe you were hurt by an emotional manipulator.
Here’s the problem. In one ear, you’re probably hearing, “let go of the wounds and you will get hurt again;” and in the other ear you hear, “If you don’t let go of the wounds, the relationship you deserve will run straight past you.”
After being hurt, you may find things swimming through your thoughts over and over again. We tend to wrap ourselves up in iron and steel, and put on our helmets, to stop the things that have affected us in the past from ever getting to us again. It isn’t a bad thing. We all have it and we all need it. It’s normal.
But, the tougher and tighter you wrap the material around you, the harder it will be to connect, feel loved, and give love.
You might feel the love, deeply and purely; you might want it so bad, but it just can’t get through the way it should. Let’s compare the situation to sun rays reflecting into your life; but because of your hurts, the rays are quickly separated by darker clouds, and somehow shadowed.
It is easier said than done, but sometimes you need to face your demons; don’t just pack a bag and run away. Do not let them win. Do not let them believe that they still possess some kind of power over you.
You have power over you. Remember that.
I remember standing in front of the mirror and getting ready for a date.
Knock knock, the door went.
Excited to see him, I went to open it. But, as soon as I saw his face, I suddenly crumbled. My heart started beating really really fast; nerves began to kick in.
“I’ve suddenly developed a headache, can we just stay here, I mean, if you don’t mind, I’m really sorry.”
“No, don’t be sorry, your well-being is important and plus, I’m not really hungry anyway. But would you like me to get you some Paracetamol from the chemist?”
I could see the disappointment on his face, but truly, I was worried about re-living my past experiences. Scared of falling in love, scared of commitment, scared of getting hurt. Scared of falling so deep, and then finding it hard to come back out.
To be honest, he made me laugh, actively supported my career, and respected me and my opinions. The communication between us was great. He was caring, listened to what I had to say, was not judgmental, showed emotional presence. He wasn’t trying to change me, was a gentleman, paid attention to me, and didn’t embarrass me in front of friends or family. We shared the same values, he was direct, showed integrity and compassion. I felt the protectiveness and chemistry.
I mean, it was everything that I had wanted.
But that was the problem. Everything felt surreal.
For a few months, I was ducking and diving; and if I wasn’t doing that, then I was testing the waters, but not anymore. I deserved to be happy and no one was going to deprive me of my happiness.
I conquered my fears by:
- Taking extra care of myself
- Reducing the contact with toxicity
- Putting an end to the comparisons
- Remembering that everything is temporary
- Embracing myself and remembering that I am lovable
- Re-discovering myself as a person
Remember, take time to heal first. Time heals all wounds.
You are capable of moving on, it is definitely within your power; and do not let one terrible experience destroy your next experience.
You deserve to be happy. Move your life from fight into flight mode.