Beaches, sunbathing, having fun, and traveling. Although these are the first words that come to mind when I think of summer, for me, summer is a pause button. It is time to renew myself. Physically distancing myself from reality is my nook. As much as I enjoy sunny summer days, this is actually the period when I do most of my inner confrontations.
Ah, sweet summer days.
I inhale what’s already happened, gather my courage, and face what I’ve done right and wrong. What matters is finding a balanced field between my earthly body and my non-earthly soul, which is not more than a tiny piece of cosmos.
I know that destinations will always change, and the road will be bumpy. Yet, I also know that I should keep going and going. And the courage I seek, I will not find in those places that I wish to go to, nor will I ever be shown how the rest of my story plays out.
When you fail multiple times, when you arrive at a place in your life where you quit asking why, everything around you becomes more alive and meaningful than ever. You begin searching for something rooted, something beyond the horizon.
It’s like I’m floating in uncertainty, and perhaps I always will be. But when my eyes stop searching, it is my mind who does the seeking. Thus, I get to see clearly that I’ve already been gifted with an immense haven within me. Things I did not actualize, things I dreamt of living… Now, my arms are wide open. Not only to the possibilities but also to the disappointments and failures.
In the end, the person I will become will be worth every single second I spent worrying. After all, I have all I need. My mind and my heart will lead the way for me.
Some days the future looks so far away, and dreams seem impossible to attain.
I did not know that all I needed was a book to guide me. I was randomly browsing the book aisles. My eyes met a book written on shamanism and its old teachings. I woke up early to read while it was still dark outside and quiet from that day on. And I read and read. I kept reading the shamanic journeys of people.
I woke up one day and told myself, “Whatever happens will happen, and the day will rise again. My plans and dreams shall come true as long as life makes the same plan as I do. And if they don’t come true, it’s still okay.”
There’s no more forcing things to happen; there’s no more stubbornness.
That book shone a light within me. My interest in spirituality was nurtured so vividly. Spiritualism has no end and no beginning. Every question opens a new door. And with every door you open, you unlock a new level of viewpoint.
When you think everything is going well, it can be destroyed in a moment, or everything can become clear when it seems ambiguous and vice versa.
Who knows, perhaps failure is a better gift than success.