Do you ever notice how much time and effort we invest in our relationships with our partners, families, friends, and co-workers? What about the relationship that matters the most? Why is it always about others and not about us?
These questions made me head back to where I always find the answers I need—books. If you’re a fan of fiction books, then it’s quite likely that you understand what I mean.
The stories’ main character is almost always totally unaware of her dreams, wishes, and desires. People in her life or incidents around her seem to concern her more than everything else. The character doesn’t know the power of expressing what she really wants due to X, Y, or Z, then one thing leads to another, and ta-da, there she is. The very authentic essence of her identity reveals itself.
In real life, though, things are more confusing. The breaking point is often linked with your ability to say no when needed, at the expense of others’ wishes. For me, saying no has taken a lot of practice and courage.
The foundation of the healthy connection I thought I used to have with myself was drawing its strength from how blindly I wanted to keep people around me pleased. Being tolerant is a great virtue that can help you throughout your life, that’s for sure. However, being a pleaser is a trap we all seem to fall into, willingly and unwillingly.
Why do we do that? Is it the fear of being alone? Is it because we forget that we are the main character of our story?
Various “feminist” media channels express their ideas on how we should speak and act towards men or women under ridiculous titles like “How to keep him interested,” “X tips to get along with your boss,” “Tell her these 3 words…” Seriously, who’s buying this bullshit advice?
We’re literally told to pay attention to everybody but ourselves. No one seems willing to voice their feelings—particularly if they’re deemed “negative”—because no one is encouraged to.
Superficial dialogues, hollow questions, and meaningless answers are a game played between two. Those who do not listen and those who are not listened to. Nobody bothers to say, “I want to have an actual conversation. You and I, let’s hear each other.”
Being more expressive about our thoughts and feelings is sometimes viewed as struggling, and its revolutionary effects are often underestimated by society. Ever since I became more verbal about how I feel and think, nothing seems to bug me much anymore.
Until this year, I used to think of alternative ways of speaking my mind to avoid any possible misunderstanding. My thoughts were occupied with a hunt. A hunt for the best combination of words so that I wouldn’t break any hearts. I guess we could say that I was breaking my own heart to save others.
But being honest and sincere with your words and speaking your truth at all costs will enlighten a side of you that you didn’t even know existed before. And you’ll begin to realize how painfully beautiful your growth can be.
Just for a day, try being less of a people-pleaser. Be bold and speak your mind. Break the cycle for yourself, and you’ll never go back.