Will I forgive you?
Because it’s not your fault, but it also isn’t mine.
I’m definitely angry right now for how things have been between us. I’ve always hated this energy and I could feel it the minute I saw you. This web of hostility coming my way and trying to trap every bit of me.
But I didn’t care as much then as I do now.
Never in my life have I seen someone so insensitive and vindictive, especially someone who I was supposed to look up to. Someone who was supposed to teach me things and help me grow better.
How did we get here? And is all of this really worth it?
I’ll forgive you because you probably don’t know what it’s like to lose a parent, a grandparent or even a pet for that matter. You don’t understand loss or grief. You think these processes also come with a deadline; and have a switch to turn them off anytime you want, but they don’t.
I hope and pray that you never have to grieve a loved one; but I also hope that you empathise with people who have no other choice.
I’ll forgive you because business schools don’t teach you how to care about other people, how to raise their spirits, or things as basic as thinking before speaking. It’s sad that there are absolutely no classes for those, but life itself. And we all know how brutal life can be while trying to teach you things.
I’ll forgive you because we have different priorities. And can we really blame each other for wanting different things in life? I hope you get everything that you’ve ever wished for, but I also hope you don’t shove the same dreams down someone else’s throat.
What I can’t forgive you for is wanting to be liked by everyone, and not working hard enough for it. I hope someday someone has enough courage to say it to your face, but not today and definitely not me. Boot-licking is getting old and that’s not how you make friends (especially the ones you want to keep).
I hope there comes a day when you can be a better listener and accepting of new ideas. I hope there comes a day when you actually try to work on feedback, instead of throwing it out the window.
Every single one of us is a fuck up and nobody has their shit figured out; that’s kind of also why I want to forgive you. At least all your cold shoulders were honest about how you felt about me.
But how do I forgive the people who were on my side and changed the game when I needed help? How do I forgive the people who used my insecurities and played them against me?
Well, that’s another story.
But today, I choose to forgive you.