I’ve Stopped People Pleasing—Have You?
I love people—so dearly that my heart could explode at the very thought.
I want to wake up in the morning, go on long drives, get breakfast, walk the dog, wash the car, bake blueberry muffins, tan out in the sun, watch reruns of New Girl, and talk about my biggest insecurities—all with people.
Much too often, I have put the others on a pedestal. As if poor little me was so lucky to be graced by their presence and to have their attention.
Rejection is painful, and people-pleasing can be one of the ways we attempt to avoid it. Nonetheless, in the end, sacrificing who you are and what you really want for anyone or anything is self-betrayal.
Yes, we want to share our lives with others and be truly known, seen, and loved.
But sometimes, we extend ourselves way too far in trying to be known, seen, and loved.
You don’t have to convince people that you’re smart, cool, great, or worthy of their time and attention.
I promise you that it will never get you anywhere and never get you satisfaction.
I have tried, rather frustratingly, to become the object of someone’s desires to attract them towards me rather than being simply who I am.
I’ve berated myself, the other person, and the Universe, all because, “Why don’t they want me?! What is the issue?”
FUCK. THAT.
Fuck that every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
I want to scream as loud as I can, just to see if it will shake me off this irritating tick.
And that’s good.
Get mad.
Be angry.
Let it out.
Be pissed off that, even for a moment, you weren’t the star of your story.
Like you had to fight to get someone’s attention.
As if you had to prove that you’re worth their time.
If you ever feel like you need to prove anything to anyone to allow them to give you the time of day, get the hell out of there!
Later days, friend.
Turn in your two-week notice, brush your hands clean, close that door and lock it.
Sayonara, pal.
I would rather be by myself forever than around anyone I feel I have to prove myself to.
If you aren’t ecstatic to have me in your life, we have nothing more to talk about. If having a place in someone’s life means having to convince them that you deserve it, it is not worth it.
You should never ever have to lower your standards or sacrifice who you are or what you deserve for someone else’s attention or affection.
Say it with me:
I cook fantastic eggs, and I’m great at parallel parking.
My hair is wild in the morning, and I have a heightened sense of purpose at night.
I’m beautiful and intelligent and important.
I know this.
I don’t need to prove anything to anyone.