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This Year I Will Choose To Live

this year I choose to live

Today is the last day of 2021. This year has been filled with trials and errors, stubborn mistakes and necessary lessons, laughter and sadness, a hundred wins and a hundred losses, and all the weird and wonderful moments in between. But most of all, this year signifies another invigorating trip within my bewildering journey of life.

I’ve learned that skincare is a gamechanger, budgeting is a priority, and that sometimes life does this thing where it picks you up, spins you around a bit, and then casually drops you off at a multiverse’s reality of the direction you thought you were heading in just to switch things up.

I’ve learned that crying is okay and not knowing is okay and feeling all the things at once is OKAY. I’ve learned that people-pleasing and rearranging your energy to satisfy others is not pleasing to your own peace of mind.

I’ve learned that the voyage to happiness requires the healing and forgiveness of the deepest parts of your soul. And that process is the absolute fucking worst. However, I also learned that avoiding and neglecting to confront your struggles means remaining stagnant in the same habits and cycle while prohibiting your imperative healing and growth.

I learned that the world does not revolve around my perception of it. Taking some time to reflect and understand before reacting is a more practical approach (a much less aggressive and stressful technique as well). I’ve learned that everyone is fighting personal demons and trying, in their own ways, to navigate this perplexing enigma of life.

I’ve learned that baked sweet potato with guacamole is the comfort food of my heart’s desires. I’ve learned that family is the foundation of love. I’ve learned that vulnerability is the premise of strength. I’ve learned that my value is determined by me and only me. And I’ve learned that I have so much more to learn and unlearn in this journey.

I read a quote recently that said, “YOLO/You Only Live Once is a myth because you get a new opportunity to live every day.” We often get stuck in the familiarity and comfortability of how we’ve existed routinely. We unintentionally fall into the habit of merely existing day after day instead of actually living.

In this new year, I aspire to live fearlessly and relentlessly. I hope to push myself beyond my insecurities and pessimism. I hope to be more patient with my emotions, more forgiving of my past, more tolerant of my mistakes, and more intentional with my thoughts. This year I will choose happiness. I will choose growth. I will choose resilience. I will choose love. I will choose peace. I will choose myself.

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This year I will choose to live.

These epically deep reflections and promises accompanied by the affection of a new year always seem adjacent to that of a child-like fantasy of what you imagine yourself to be when you ‘grow up.’ The hope is real, and the dream is intentional, but we can never quite grasp the complicated nature of life and the future.

Alas, I still don’t think it’s a useless endeavor because hopes and dreams are the manifestations of our soul’s truest desires. All we must do is find the courage to awaken them with action.

My ultimate resolution for this year is to awaken the deepest parts of my soul’s potential. This new year is another orbital period of opportunity to learn and feel and grow. And I will strive towards the possibility of actualizing my childhood self’s valorous dreams.

After all, even if I fail in my trying pursuit, I will have learned more, grown vigorously, and become one step closer to the woman my soul has been carefully crafting me to become.

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