I first masturbated when I was sixteen.
No one had explicitly stated to me what it was. I wasn’t told not to touch my vagina, nor was I encouraged to experiment in that way. I just decided to explore and eventually figured out what I liked, until I had my first orgasm.
I learnt then that the clitoris really is the “powerhouse of the female orgasm.”
It felt amazing, so I couldn’t understand why people didn’t talk about it, especially women.
Eventually, I noticed that unshakeable stigma which I was unable ignore. The guilt crept up on me and soon enough, I couldn’t masturbate without feeling ashamed as soon as I had finished.
I remember the immature conversations that we had in school. How the boys would scrunch up their faces in disgust and discomfort at the thought of a girl masturbating.
Why can men please themselves but women can’t?
I didn’t understand it then, and I still don’t today.
Is it that men tend to view women as objects of their own desire and pleasure, and so the thought of a woman seeking that same pleasure for herself is inconceivable? Unacceptable?
It is even stated on the NHS website that masturbation is completely normal for both men and women. For some reason though, this undeniable truth is overlooked.
Some researchers have suggested that because masturbation is a private act, women feel that it is not appropriate to discuss in public. Is this not the same for men though? Or do they all have regular group masturbations sessions that I don’t know about?
A study by Anne Letita Peplau showed that in heterosexual relationships, men are more assertive and often “lead the way” in sexual interactions. If women are uncomfortable with initiating sexual interaction with another person, then could this perhaps explain their reluctance to self-stimulate?
I don’t feel uncomfortable anymore. I don’t feel guilty or afraid.
When researching this topic, I momentarily thought of the concern and confusion that someone might feel if they were to look at my search history. However, I know that the concern would be misplaced, because there really is nothing wrong with wanting to learn more. So, I have just decided to not give a shit about what other people think or say.
I hope you feel the same. But for those who don’t, I am going to focus on you, on me, on us, on women.
We all have at least one thing that we love to do, that lifts us up. Mine is singing. It brings me so much pleasure and makes me feel connected to myself. I feel as if I am giving in to my body, channelling my emotion, my energy, and any tension that has been building up.
This morning I sang in the shower. A few minutes of belting out my favourite song left me feeling elated and ready for the day.
Do I feel guilty about doing this? No.
So, should I feel guilty about masturbating? NO.
Female masturbation is not a guilty pleasure, it is just pleasure.
Your body is your own. The mind of a woman is just as incredible as that of a man. We can make our own choices. Don’t let the stigma or uncertainty hold you back from the pleasure that your body wants to give to you.
The world is at your fingertips—literally.