I have an idea in my head of who I can be as a woman, and in that vision, I see somebody who is strong and powerful in her own right.
When I look into the mirror, I know those qualities are there. And yet, I see a girl who shies them away because she doesn’t trust herself enough to know that she is incredible.
To other people, I look and seem incredibly content with life. Nobody would know about these feelings until the alcohol hits my lips and vulnerability pours itself out of my body.
I go from being a fun, cheerful friend to a desperate, needy, and hurt soul.
In these moments, I really lose sight of myself and who I want to become.
It’s hard to take a step back and look at your life from a different perspective. And it’s confronting to put yourself in a light and come to terms with the fact that there are deep-rooted issues that you need to deal with to improve your life in any way.
You can spend thousands of hours of your life being there for your friends, giving advice and support to those in need. But when it comes to yourself, you can find yourself stuck, with no clear direction.
We all live with some sort of hole in our hearts. Some of us know why, and some are on the path to figuring it out. I’ve learned that the hole in my heart comes from loneliness. Even when surrounded by people who love me, there is still a sense of loneliness that I cannot seem to fill.
Maybe it’s my perspective or that I don’t know myself well enough yet.
Digging deep into my thoughts and feelings is difficult as I try to work out why I can’t seem to find happiness that fulfills my entire heart.
It’s easy to simply cover these problems up and act like they don’t exist. As easy as surrounding myself with people all the time to distract me. Or posting a few selfies on my Instagram to show everybody that I am “living my best life.”
I have recently realized that doing these things makes no difference to the people for whom I’m performing.
Instead, these actions take away from the attention I should really be showering on myself. I get so caught up in how other people see me and the judgments they may be passing that I completely ignore the cry for help coming from within me.
Many other women and I are guilty of creating a hole inside our hearts because we simply don’t trust the divinity inside ourselves.
We don’t believe in ourselves enough to know that we have what it takes to be and achieve whatever we set our minds to. We are intelligent, capable, and strong enough to take whatever life throws at us and come out on the other side of it.
I’m not lonely for lack of friends, family, or a partner.
I feel alone because I refuse to see and acknowledge the woman inside of me. The one who knows me more than anybody else in this world. I stripped this girl of her voice years ago, and now it’s time to get her back and allow her to shine like the woman she now is.
We all deserve to feel confident in our minds, body, and soul.
We deserve to have our voices heard and hearts full.
It’s time for me to start taking my own advice and empowering that woman inside of me.
I dream of the day when I look in the mirror and be inspired by the reflection staring back. I know that day will be soon.