The Woman You Are Today Is Enough
The woman you are today is enough.
This is a reminder for you… and a reminder for myself.
Several weeks ago I had a bit of a meltdown.
I had been going through a painful situation in my life and the emotional after effects were weighing down on me hard. I found myself overreacting to something silly because I had hit my threshold, and the cracks shone through.
Although I wasn’t mean or cruel, I still broke down crying as my partner comforted me. I woke up the next morning exhausted and embarrassed, with quite the emotional hangover.
Without warning, the following thought crossed through my mind.
Why would he ever want to spend his life with me if I always have these moments?
Who wants to be with someone that has already been used and is broken?
I apologised for my actions the night before and my partner reacted like he always does. With kindness and understanding.
But instead of feeling better, I felt worse.
I replayed my words and actions throughout that day, and the next.
He is going to get fed up with this someday.
The voice in my head continued on and I tried to shake the thoughts away.
Then a more terrifying thought popped into my head.
What if this is just… me?
The reality is that I am happy most of the time. I am almost always laughing, joking, outgoing, and kind.
But there are fleeting moments when all of those qualities will drain out of me and I am left depleted, sad, and the worst version of myself. Or, should I say, what I believe to be the worst version of myself.
Slowly a realisation began to dawn on me. A realisation that has taken me almost a decade to come to terms with.
I am a trauma survivor.
I have overcome the direst of circumstances and made a life for myself that is beautiful. Against all odds.
I love the people unconditionally that are in my life. And because of the boundaries I’ve imposed, and the growth I have been through over the past few years; I’ve managed to only invite healthy relationships into my life.
Please don’t misunderstand, all of my “good” qualities naturally come with some less than good ones.
I can be defensive because of all the hurt I have endured. I can be hesitant to put my heart out there, because it has been taken advantage of so many times.
But, at the end of the day, I know I am more than worthy of being loved to the fullest.
The reason I am writing this is that I know that if I feel this way, you may feel the same.
After all, most, if not all of us, come with some scars.
So why do we feel the need to hide them?
Why do we fear that if some of the pain boils to the surface that we will be discarded?
Personal growth is a journey, not a destination. Although I am striving to always be the best version of myself, there will be days that I am the worst version. Days in-between, and days that are almost perfect.
Regardless of what you are struggling with right now or what you are going through, please know that you are enough. Today.
Not yesterday, not ten years from now. Not when you get that job, or house, or when you get married.
The woman you are today is enough.