Whether we’ve grown up Catholic or not, there is a story that holds many women in its grip. This was certainly true for me.
The story was invented a long time ago. And even today, it plays itself out over and over again on the cold floor of the church, where a girl kneels in front of a statue of The Virgin Mary on Her Pedestal.
And here is me: a girl waking up to her sexual energy, feeling like crap.
It was then that, unknown to me, shame and guilt for being who I am, lodged themselves deep into my body.
I felt dirty every time I experienced sexual pleasure rising, masturbated, had sex and climaxed.
I was trapped in a vicious circle of acting in ways that made me feel even more ashamed later, subconsciously living the same story, “So, you see, you are a whore.”
Many years later, after much heartache and confusion in my life, I got in touch with this sweet, wounded part of me.
I grew up in a traditionally Catholic country. And even though they weren’t religious, my parents followed the tradition of their kids being baptized, attending catechism, and receiving first communion and confirmation.
Then, I was old enough to bolt!
I thought that I was leaving this life behind me. Little did I know that I would meet Mother Mary, again, this time through my Kundalini yoga practice. The same Mother Mary, and yet completely different. Rather than parading from the pedestal, she emanated a pure and unconditional divine mother love.
As I got to know her energy better, I faced the entanglement of shame and guilt stopping me from knowing her deeper. But I wanted to know her; I felt a yearning within myself so great that I needed to dive in.
This was an incredibly tough journey into the shadowland of my being and experience and the collective wounding of women.
Perhaps subconsciously or instead on purpose, the story of the Virgin Mary as someone who never had sex, and was therefore pure to deliver the Messiah to the world, is deeply disempowering to women.
It sets us up to hate ourselves, be afraid to speak up, forbid ourselves pleasure, and shame ourselves for feeling any at all.
It subdues our creative juices, our power, our life force.
Human beings are intrinsically sexual. Sexual energy is part of life’s energy that creates all that is. It’s a gateway to pleasure, healing, and an embodied connection with God/Goddess, or however we choose to call the Source of Life.
By denying ourselves the gifts of our sexual energy, we remain feeling disconnected from the Goddess—alone and afraid.
Sexual energy is not evil, and women are not devils in disguise.
What has been done through suppression and misdirection of sexual energy is against the life-affirming force of which sexual energy is a part.
It has been, and continues to be, brutal. And I am saddened that the story of the Virgin Mary has played a role in this.
When I could untangle the crippling energy that had kept me imprisoned for so long, I saw the beauty and purity of my own sexuality.
Roses were blossoming in my womb, in my vagina, and in my heart.
And there was a sweet scent of innocence shimmering from the center of each of these roses. Shame, in its essence, is purity, and calls to be transformed through love for ourselves and each other.
I wish for every woman on this planet, now and in the future, to have the support to heal, own, and celebrate her sexuality. For all of us to know Mother Mary as pure of heart. Regardless of what we’ve been told or how little we may think of ourselves.
One of the most profound experiences I have ever had was feeling Mother Mary’s energy in my own sexual energy, body, and heart. Power. Beauty. Pleasure. Expansion. Bliss.
The story of the Virgin Mary is wrong. It’s time to write a new one. We are all rewriting this story from within the rotten heap of beliefs that no longer serve us.
One by one, we are rising from the ashes of our own suffering, and Mary is rising with us.
We’re writing a new story of love without conditions. Love that doesn’t shame us, take away our power, nor puts the Virgin Mary on a pedestal we can never hope to reach. She has never wanted that.
Whether Mary had sex in her lifetime is irrelevant. What’s more than relevant is that if we choose, we can not only have sex but also enjoy it. In fact, it is our birthright to enjoy it.
Regardless of your connection, or lack of it, with Mother Mary, freeing ourselves from this patriarchal bond will send rippling waves of empowerment and love to all on Earth.