Rebuilding Myself Through Voice Notes & Dreams
I love honesty, directness, and telling it like it is without sugarcoating. My moon is in the fire sign of Aries. The voice of my heart, which I hear daily, is feisty and energetic.
As a kid, I had very low self-esteem. I hated many things about myself, physically, emotionally, and even my personality. I simply did not want to be me. It felt like I did not belong in this world and even thought of suicide at such a young age. Self-consciousness would take over, as I stood out as the only kid in class with curly hair and felt so much shame for my naturally quiet, introverted, anxious energy.
Since then, it has taken many years to heal and forgive myself for the self-harm I caused. Generally, I am in a much better place now in terms of self-love and care toward my emotional and physical body and overall well-being. Among the many tools I’ve gathered, I have the moon, my memory, and my voice to thank for that transformation.
I love writing things down, and my memory is one of my best assets. One giant library of memories is stored within me. For the past twelve months, I’ve used my throat chakra to record my voice—journal style—to document my dreams, feelings, and reflections.
The journal-style voice memo reflections have been monumental in my journey of self-love. I can meet myself a month ago, two months ago, one week ago, and listen to my voice and connect in a way I never have before.
That voice has become my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, a shoulder I can cry on, the voice of reason, the advice giver and receiver, the wise woman within me, who I listen to in the future. I meet my past self whenever I need to. And I trust her because she looks out for me.
Documenting my dreams through voice notes gets really funny, strange, and awe-inspiring. We all have dreams our subconscious mind conjures each night we sleep. Many people say they don’t dream, but in reality, we all do. We just don’t always remember them.
Unsurprisingly, having a million or more thoughts running through our minds the minute we wake up will wipe the dream away instantly. Thoughts such as: “Omg, what time is it? Am I late? Oh no, I have this thing today…” These thoughts quickly take over and wipe the memory of where you came from in dreamland. And that’s really sad because there’s a lot you can see and learn from your dreamland.
As a kid, I was fascinated with lucid dreaming the moment I heard about it. Lucid dreaming is when you know you are in a dream, and some people can control what happens in the dream. As a teen, I remember having a small notebook beside my bed one summer and setting alarms for myself to wake up in the middle of a REM sleep to note every detail I could possibly remember from where I was in my dream.
Most of the time, I recalled the dream, wrote it down, and drifted back to sleep. The dreams were so random. I never reached the point of being fully lucid, aware I was dreaming, and able to control what happened. Still, the fascination of dreams remains to this day.
I’m in my 30s now and picked up the habit once again. Only this time, I find the voice memo recording of dreams more fascinating than writing it in a journal.
The key to remembering is to, as best as you can, clear your mind in the morning and follow one piece of the dream at a time. Even if you can only recall one place, item, or face, follow it and focus on more details. Eventually, it can lead you to remember more.
I quietly ask myself, “where did I just come from?” Some days it works. Some days it doesn’t. But it’s pretty cool to speak it out and listen to your dream story later. You may be surprised by how you interpret the dream after a few months pass, and you go back in time to listen.
These small habits of journal-style reflections and dream recollection with my throat chakra have strengthened my relationship with my authentic voice. The voice of the fire inside. The energetic voice that loves to giggle at me as I speak or make a joke only I understand. The voice that sounds as if I’m talking to a friend over chisme hour.
I love to laugh at myself, and there’s nothing more amusing than laughing with myself through these voice recordings. Coming from a past filled with hate towards myself, including the sound of my voice, it’s fascinating to witness the transformation as I continuously recreate and rebuild my once-broken relationship with myself. I have my own voice to thank.