Demystifying The Law Of Detachment
If you’re attracted to spirituality and connected to your soul even in the smallest of ways, you’ve likely come across the term “law of attraction,” which was popularized in the best-selling book, The Secret. But have you ever heard of the “law of detachment?”
I believe the intention behind the law of detachment is just as important as the law of attraction. When we understand and embody both of these divine laws, we find freedom and move to our highest soul destiny timeline. Here we experience more joy, beauty, love, and abundance than we often dare to imagine is possible.
Attachment & detachment explained
Attachment = ego-based fear and insecurity that fuels us to chase (and become attached to) material things outside ourselves. This includes money, external validation, million-dollar mansions, designer handbags, social media followers, status, and more.
Often, we desire and seek these things because we think they’ll bring us a sense of security, success, or self-worth. But nothing outside of ourselves can bring us these feelings—they must be cultivated on the inside.
Detachment = Releasing our attachment to external things, people, approval, or a specific outcome and surrendering to (and enjoying) the process, the journey, and being open to the unexpected.
This stems from the understanding that you co-create your destiny with the Universe, which has a much grander plan for each of us than we can begin to fathom. Sometimes we won’t get what we wish for, but do you trust that you will always receive what you need? This trust is interwoven with the law of detachment.
What Is the law of detachment?
The law of detachment is one of the seven spiritual laws of success, curated by Deepak Chopra in his book of the same name. But the law of detachment and the wisdom behind it is ancient, and the essence of it can be found running through yogic philosophy, Taoism, and Buddhism.
The law of detachment centers on the idea that if we want to manifest something, we must first let go of our attachment to it and the result. This doesn’t mean giving up your desires or the intentions behind them but throwing away a rigid roadmap to get there or a belief around what the outcome should look like.
To clarify, that doesn’t mean you can’t have a plan. In fact, having a strategy and some form of plan to follow to achieve your goals is incredibly important. It offers the masculine structure that your feminine creativity needs. But it does mean being able to adapt, to change directions, to be open to new possibilities that may come your way.
At its heart, the law of detachment is inherently feminine. The ability to surrender, trust, and be open to receive are feminine gifts. It’s not surprising that most of us struggle to embody these gifts because we live in an era where the distorted, wounded masculine is revered while the divine feminine is still shunned and dishonored.
In our society, deciding what you want, taking action, and getting it at the click of your fingers is deemed the norm and celebrated. But this is based on control and attachment, which is not how true manifesting works.
When you understand and embody the law of detachment, you are no longer controlled by your desires. You are free to focus on fulfilling your intention and creating magic each day. As long as you have stayed true to this and given it your all, whether the final outcome resembles your expectations won’t phase you. Either the outcome will be different but just as beautiful, beyond your wildest dreams, or there will be a valuable lesson in not quite achieving what you set out to. And all of these possibilities are a win.
Examples of the law of detachment in action
#1. Money
A lot of us have limiting beliefs around money that we’re unaware of because we inherit what Harv Eker calls a “money blueprint” as children from our primary caregivers.
I’m still working on clearing out toxic beliefs around money and abundance and disconnecting myself from scarcity and suffering grids on the planet that most of us are plugged into.
One of my beliefs was, “When I have X amount of money, then I’ll feel successful and secure.” This is attachment to an outcome, and when you believe this, you also prevent yourself from feeling successful and secure in the present moment. Nothing outside of you can provide that security—it has to come from within.
So focus instead on devoting your energy to meaningful work, learning more about the energetics of money, striking the right balance between saving and treating yourself, and being financially responsible and independent.
#2. Work
There’s an offering that comes to you, and you’re incredibly excited about it. It feels aligned and authentic, and there’s so much juicy goodness here for the people who will eventually receive it. You devote the weekend to planning it, creating a landing page, and deciding how to deliver it.
But if you run your own business, you’ll know that sometimes offerings resonate with your audience and perform really well; other times, they tank. It’s not that the offering isn’t good, but perhaps people aren’t ready for it yet, or maybe you are not yet ready to deliver this.
Embodying the law of detachment in your work means showing up every day, embracing your unique gifts, and staying true to your soul path. But it also means to have patience and persistence along the way and take obstacles and setbacks in your stride.
#3. Dating
Many of us, particularly women, go on dates carrying a lot of pressure on our shoulders, and this heaviness can be felt by our date. The younger me would connect with a new guy and immediately have my judgment clouded by rose-tinted glasses and a vivid imagination. I would convince myself, “he’s the one,” sometimes before I’d even gone on a first date = insanity.
If you go into a date expecting to meet “the one,” you are attaching yourself to an outcome, and this prevents you from showing up authentically, being present, feeling relaxed, and simply enjoying getting to know someone new. No wonder dating has stopped being fun!
#4. Love
People often jump into, or stay in, toxic or miserable relationships purely because they feel pressured to “settle down” or are afraid of being on their own. Again, this is an attachment to an end outcome, and if this is your only focus, you will never find true love.
Let go of the desire to be in love or be in a relationship and instead focus on yourself, being more of who you are, figuring out what makes you feel the most alive and the kind of life you want to lead. When you do this, you’re much more likely to attract the right partner, and you won’t be looking for validation from someone else because you will have cultivated a sense of wholeness within yourself.
#5. Relationships
Our need to control shows up in all types of relationships, including those with family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. But trying to control other people or push them to be or do something means we don’t accept them as they are. This is a form of judgment that prevents you from connecting with someone in the moment and appreciating their unique soul essence.
It’s important to be discerning here. Certain things are not okay and should never be accepted, such as abuse, manipulation, coercion, bullying, etc. But aside from these extremes, we all have gifts and flaws.
Can you accept and celebrate the people in your life for who they are rather than who you think they should be? This is the law of detachment in motion. When we do this, we find our way to more love, compassion, and genuine connection.
#6. Goal setting
Have you ever set a goal to achieve something or get somewhere, e.g., “I want to be a NYT bestselling author, or I want to make seven figures in my business this year?” When we fixate on outcomes like these, we move away from pure soul intentions and desires, stifle our creativity, and shut ourselves off from receiving divine guidance from our intuition and the Universe.
In keeping with the law of detachment, instead of focusing on the outcome, focus on the art you want to make, the message you wish to share, and the work you know you are here to do. Set a goal, but don’t get too caught up in a rigid timeline or how you’ll get there. Allow things to unfold organically and be fluid in your approach.
How to embody the law of detachment
> Connect to your soul
So many of us are attached to things, people, or external outcomes because we’re seeking something that will bring us peace, fulfillment, and happiness. But this can only come from within, and connecting to your soul, your true essence, is the most powerful way to find all these things you seek.
You can cultivate this soul connection in many ways:
- Meditation
- Journaling
- Engaging in shadow work
- Creating more space in your days for stillness
- Getting into your body (through yoga, dance, breathwork)
- Working with tarot or oracle cards
> Commit to detachment
The next step is to commit yourself to detachment. That means allowing things around you to be as they are, resisting the urge to control, fight, or push, and refraining from imposing your beliefs and expectations on a person or situation.
The next time you notice yourself doing any of these things, pause and see if you can let go and address the situation from the lens of detachment. What is the root of the emotion you’re experiencing?
> Accept uncertainty
We are all aware of the uncertainty of life. This is a given from the second we are born. Days are not promised to anyone. We wake up each day not knowing what might happen, and we sleep at night with the same uncertainty.
The ability to accept this uncertainty and to flow with it is, paradoxically, where we will find security. Amongst our problems, confusion, and chaos are solutions and wisdom to be found, but only if we trust.
> Practice detachment
The next time something blows up in your world or doesn’t quite go as planned, can you stay grounded and centered in the uncertainty of it all? If you can remain detached, you will prevent unnecessary stress and anxiety and leave yourself open for solutions and unexpected opportunities to flow in.
The belief that this will happen, every time, is fundamental to the law of detachment. It opens you up to possibilities and abundance that are beyond what you can perceive.
> Be open to anything & everything
The final step to embodying the law of detachment is to be wide open (energetically) to the infinite possibility of the Universe. Healing and integrating the feminine is one of the primary ways to cultivate this receptiveness and fluidity. But it requires you to let go of the “plan” and step into the unknown, into the darkness, and to trust that your soul & the Universe will illuminate the way.
If you do, you will find an infinite source of love, beauty, adventure, magic, and abundance, and this is ultimately what we all seek.